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Last week, circumstances made it so I had to miss ‘American Idol’ and thus miss the ouster of my close friend (not my close friend at all) Ms. Elise Testone. I never expect my hand picked ‘Idol’ fave to win – usually because my hand picked ‘Idol’ fave is usually a woman and women don’t win this show – so, I realize at some point I have to say goodbye and I now know it’s a lot easier to say goodbye to your ‘Idol’ fave when your checking the results on your phone in a crowded bar filled with some of your actual, real friends. Having said that, I really loved Elise. She had the best voice in the competition and her take on The Jimi Hendrix Experience’s “Bold As Love” was brilliant and subsequently the only ‘Idol’ song I downloaded from iTunes this season. Thanks for the memories, Elise and I’ll see you on finale night where, hopefully, you’ll sing with Stevie Nicks and if you do pick a weird one like “Sisters On the Moon” or that song from her new album about vampires.

Top Five Y’all! Wait, this show is still two hours long?
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Tonight we’re honoring the music of the 60’s and “Britpop” except not “Britpop” at all because none of the songs are even remotely from the genre known widely as “Britpop.” I can forgive them not picking something from the Pulp canon or the Happy Mondays or the Stone Roses, but Oasis? Blur? Supergrass? Joining Jimmy for mentoring/horsing around this week is none of than “Little” Steven Van Zandt.
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Hollie’s up first with Ike and Tina’s “River Deep Mountain High” and it’s great. Fantastic even. It’s the best performance of Hollie’s tenuous tenure on the show. She struts the stage with confidence, hits all her notes and really, really nails it. Surely, this sounds like the kind of performance from an underdog competitor that deserves one of those standing ovations from the judges we’ve been hearing so much about, right? Well, sort of. Steven and Randy stand, but Jennifer does not because Jennifer is incapable of supporting the female contestants on this show. She stands only for men (and maybe once for a woman, but only after exclaiming how little she wants to be standing). I hate Jennifer Lopez. Seriously. She is not a musician or “talented” and I have as much a right to be judge on that show as she does. In fact, I’d do it much better.

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For her “Britpop” song, Hollie does Leonna Lewis’ “Bleeding Love” which is such a terrible song, but she does a nice job. All in all it’s Hollie’s best night, but she’ll probably go home because she’s not Phil Phillips.
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Speaking of Phil Phillips. Ugh. This guy. Here’s the thing there are five people left in this competition and Phil Phillips does not perform or sing as well as the other four. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but he’s not very good. Don’t most people hate Dave Matthews. Isn’t he, like, the punchline of a million bad jokes about the movie ‘Because of Winn Dixie?’ I could have sworn that was the case.
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Phillip sings The Box Tops’ “The Letter,” but it’s really Joe Cocker’s ‘The Letter,’ which, if we’re being nitpicky wasn’t actually released until 1970, but hey it’s Phillip, right? He can do whatever he wants. It’s a great song, but Phillip, in typical Phillip fashion, manages to remove all the things that make it great and now it’s just a song that he sings that sounds bad. The judges love it even if Jennifer has never heard the song before. Seriously? This idiot has never heard ‘The Letter.’ I spend an inordinate amount of time hoping that she gets fired. Randy too. I hate them both and I don’t want them to quit either. I want them to be fired. I also spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about how badly I want to do a Frost/Nixon type of interview with them wherein I make clear all their shortcomings and subtle sexism.

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Philip sings The Zombie’s “Time of the Season” and it’s the worst Phillip performance ever. Mostly because he can’t sing it. He’s completely missing high notes and it’s perfectly noticeable even with the back-up singers Nigel gave him hoping they’d mask his failure. They don’t. He sounds BAD. Surely the judges will comment on just how bad he’s missing these notes, right? I mean if it were Hollie or Jessica they would, so they have to be fair. I know they’ll be fair. Nope. They love it and so it goes. Here is your ‘Idol’ America. Phil Phillips. Stop trying to fight it. It was determined months ago.
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Skyler is talked out of doing “Knock On Wood” and instead opts for ‘Fortunate Son.’ I love Skyler and the performance is typical of her as she does all the things I like to see in a Skyler performance. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know what the song is about, though and for me (for you, for me, for you, for you, for you, for me, yo, yo, yo check it) that kind of hurts it.
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For song two (Woo! Hoo!) (Britpop), Skyler sings Dusty Springfield’s “You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me” and nails it. I think it’s the performance of the night so far. The staging is weird as there are people sitting on a park bench, but otherwise it’s a great vocal and flawless take on a brilliant song.

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Jessica sings two songs, but does it really matter? She’s going home. Put it this way she’s head and shoulders better than Phil Phillips but not as good as Hollie, Skyler or Joshua. She sings “Proud Mary” a song a child shouldn’t sing under any circumstances and the Britpop classic “You Are So Beautiful” which when sung by a pretty young girl is stripped of all its desperation and thus all of what makes it a compelling song.

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The girls also sing as a trio on Jackie Wilson’s “Higher and Higher.” Hollie won.
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The boys – Phil and Joshua – duet on “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” and it’s awkward. I don’t know what to make of Joshua. After the song Phil puts his arm around Josh and he throws it off. I think there’s some things Joshua needs to deal with in himself before he gets sent out into the public eye. Homophobia and/or self hatred is not becoming of an ‘Idol.’

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Joshua is great on both of his songs – “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg” and Britpop’s favorite sons The Bee Gees’ “To Love Somebody,” the latter of which (obviously) gets a standing ovation from the judges. I’m not saying it didn’t deserve it. It was a great performance. I like when Joshua does quieter songs. That’s All.
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I assume our bottom three will consist of Jessica and Hollie and probably Skyler, but it should just be three Phils.