NBC
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This week was a big and buzzy one for our favorite reality singing competitions ‘The Voice’ and ‘American Idol’ as both shows whittled their competition down to their final “teams of twelve” and final thirteen respectively. Finally. Now there’s an air of “we’re about to get serious” surrounding both shows and I’m ready to take the big gaudy stage right along side them.

‘The Voice:’ For the first time since they’ve been airing during the same week, I think ‘Idol’ pulled off the victory. This isn’t because we had six hours of ‘Idol’ to parse through – not at all, in fact that would be a strike against it – but because as we reach the final round of blind auditions, the competition just gets a bit weaker. Everyone completed their team, sure, but this week’s talent had the stench of fodder for better contestants in the battle rounds. That stench smells something like burnt bacon. I think. I wouldn’t call any of the latest acts contenders. Nope, not even the girl who Christina awkwardly sang with and especially not the nervous girl who everyone thought was great to start, but as she progressed it was clear no one really wanted her on their team.

Cee-Lo picked up a duo of “rock ‘n roll” brothers who may just be the most obnoxious contestants to ever make it to a team. Their parents, however, were great. I hope they get a spin off.

There was also a super cocky jerk who no one turned around for (though Cee-Lo, of course, would express regret for that decision later) and then he started “freestyling” and it was so forced and embarrassing, but he thinks it’s great. That guy. Ugh City!
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I’ve come to realize my favorite part of ‘The Voice’’s blind auditions is Carson Daly. I love watching him jump up and down in the room with the contestant’s families. It makes my day.
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As we warp up the blind auditions, I’m not sure who has the strongest team. Who has Mathai? Adam? He has the strongest team then. Or Blake. He’s got some good people as well. I audibly squealed by the way at the previews for upcoming episodes when he introduced everyone to Miranda Lambert. “This is my wife, Miranda.” It was great. I’m a big fan.
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‘American Idol:’ I catch a lot of flack for my inability to see ‘Idol’ as anything but the standard bearer for this kind of television. (I actually don’t. Nobody really cares what I think. It’s more of imagined flack because it’s not the popular choice). I stand by that sentiment, though. In my mind, ‘Idol’ still rules and even though the judges are the worst (I mean really, THE WORST!) I think that’s part of the charm. Everybody wears rose colored glasses for the Simon Cowell days, but guess what he was the worst too. Remember how he tried to sabotage Allison Iraheta in favor of Danny F’n Gokey? I still love ‘Idol’ and will love it through judge changes and ratings dips for years to come.
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FOX
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The reason I bring this up is because in 47 minutes last night, ‘Idol’ proved why I’m right as season eleven’s “Sing For Your Life” segments was the best segment of reality television since Haley Reinhart sang “House of the Rising Sun” last year. Not all six contestants that got the opportunity were great (I’m looking at you Reed. Ugh Reed. Reed was the worst. You know how maybe you have a friend or a sister -this analogy works better if it’s your sister, honestly, but I’m trying to be inclusive- and she’s thirty or thirty one and for some reason she decides to date a younger guy and he’s the WORST and everyone hates him, but for some reason she can’t see it. He’s just, like, all smiles all the time and “everything is beautiful,” mostly because he just got out of college? That’s Reed) but each and every one of them did in fact sing like their lives depended on it. They don’t. It’s just a television show, but still… It’s a great spectacle
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FOX
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Discussion of the week’s first two shows, wherein the boys and girls performed on Tuesday and Wednesday respectively, can be kept relatively short as what really matters is who made the Top 13. In fact all I’ll say about Tuesday and Wednesday is that Randy name checked Paramore and Dave Matthews when referring to “indie music,” so Randy needs a refresher.
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Oh and everybody sang Adele.
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Who Made It? Not Eben. He didn’t make it. Take a hike, Eben! Or Staten Island, she’s booted and so is 2012 Gokey.
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Oh (again) Jimmy Iovine was there to be the antidote for the judges’ sweetness. He was Jimmy Iovine which means terrible. At one point he described Aaron – the young African American gentleman who sang “Never Can Say Goodbye” – as “Don Cheadle-ish.” He meant it as a negative critique, but it makes absolutely no sense. Don Cheadle’s not a singer and therefore should not be brought up as reference point. Are you saying he looks like Don Cheadle? And if so, why is this bad? Why is it a description that followed “cheesy?” Are you saying Don Cheadle is cheesy? I just didn’t get it. I suspect it was racist, but I’m reactionary in that respect. I definitely thought 2012 Gokey saying he had a “large black woman” trapped inside his body was racist. DEFINITELY!
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Anyway, a bunch of people – thirteen to be exact – made it to the Top 13 and one of them was not Jen Hirsch who I has as an early favorite, but I was glad, in the end, that she was booted. She needed a slice of humble pie because I suspect she thought she already won the thing.
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Let’s Talk About Erika Van Pelt: Last season I recapped ‘Idol’ for MySpace and a lot of people hated me because I was a very biased and very outspoken supporter of Haley Reinhart. I loved her and I suspect I’m going to feel the same way about Erika Van Pelt. If you don’t like her, you’re not going to like me. Apologies in advance.
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FOX
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Alongside Erika in the Top 13 you’ve got Phil Phillips who I suspect will win the whole thing. I hated his DMBish “In The Air Tonight,” but he’s dreamy and dreamy wins ‘Idol’ these days, so I’d better get used to it.
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Jessica Sanchez is being pegged as an early favorite as well, but I have a sneaking suspicion Hollie Cavanagh will have something to say about that. These two will leave their ‘Idol’ journey as best frenemies for sure. Heejun Han’s schtick is wearing on me already. By week two it’ll be less “cute” and more “uncomfortable defense mechanism.” I predict an early ouster. Joshua Ledet can sing, but I wonder if he’ll get lost in the theme weeks. Shannon Magrane is forgettable to a fault and Colton Dixon is just irritating. Skyler Laine and Elise Testone could easily swoop in and unseat Erika Van Pelt for the title of “Pat’s favorite contestant” as this thing progresses and Jermaine Jones seems nice, but his limited range could get him into trouble.
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Randy picked Erika as his wild card and J. Lo went for cry baby Jeremy Rosado – who I actually like very much. Steven picked Deandre Brackensick – great name – who is a contestant I just don’t get. I feel like I’m missing something.
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I’ll be honest, ‘Idol’’s starting to brew and I. Am. Excited.