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Today was an exciting day. And in case you haven’t guessed why, it’s because Justin Bieber released his third album, Believe. While we’re sure you’ve been listening to it on repeat all day for hours on end, we’re thinking we were excited about it for a different reason than most of you. You see, we weren’t excited because of the music, per se. No, we were psyched for the lyrics. That’s because after The Biebs dropped his first Swaggie-fied single “Boyfriend” back in March, our love for Bieber’s lyrical wit (or lack thereof) went through the roof. Dissecting the lyrics for one song was good and all. But an entire album? Just the thought of it gave us a fit of joyful delirium. So without further adieu, we now present the standout lyrics from Justin Bieber’s new album, Believe, as well as our take on each of the highlighted lyrical gems. Some are sweet, others are seductive, and some, well, they’re downright puzzling.

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So turn up those speakers and rock out to Justin Bieber’s Believe right HERE while you read our lyrical analysis below.
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“Why you working so shy? Hold it back, hold it back/ We’re not the only ones doing it like that, and like that/ So DJ bring that, bring that, bring that, bring that back “(“All Around The World”)
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Our Take: At first glance, the lyrics to this dance banger seem fairly straightforward: The Biebs is trying to get a girl to open up to him. But now we are left with a few questions: namely, what is involved in the process of “working so shy” and how does one go about obtaining this type of work? Additionally, in what particular way is a DJ going to help “bring it back” if there is no concrete reference to what you guys are the only ones doing “like that”? It’s all very troubling.
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“We could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke/ As long as you love me” (“As Long As You Love Me”)
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Our Take: The optimistic, glass-half-full side of us wants to believe that a modern-day person would be so accepting as to remain with a significant other even if he or she were, as Bieber says, homeless and broke. But, reality check — the world doesn’t work that way, Biebs. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a fairy tale-world where having no money or a roof over our head can be solved by love. Call us grumpy. But we’re just keeping it real.
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“I’ll be your Hova/ You can be my Destiny’s Child on a scene, girl” (“As Long As You Love Me”)
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Our Take: The song that keeps on giving. Keep in mind, this is the same song in which Bieber says it would be acceptable to be broke so long as you love him. Yet in the next breath he’s saying he wants to be Jay-Z, one of the richest musicians alive, and he fully expects his lady to resemble, well, a rich woman, Beyonce. On second thought, we really can’t blame the guy; after all, Jigga is a straight-up G and Beyonce is a walking goddess. Our apologies.
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“Hey señorita, my shorty, please be my little lady, my little lady/ Hey amor, you’re the one, I adore you, come on be my little lady, my little lady” (“Take You”)
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Our Take: Looks like someone’s been brushing up on their espanol. Our guess? We’ve just been given an inside peek at JB and Selena’s love names for one another. Consider yourself lucky.
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“In my head we’re already together/ I’m cool alone but with you I’m better” (“Catching Feelings”)
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Our Take: Boy envisions being with a girl. Boy is not actually with girl. Boy realizes he’s probably not going to end up with girl. Boy still wants girl. As you can see this is a deep lyrical turn. Keep thinking about it. It’ll sink in soon enough.
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“And I hope by the time that I’m done with this song that I figure out/ Who’s gonna make you fall in love” (“Fall”)
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Our Take: We’ve listened to this song multiple times to give Bieber as many chances as possible to get things straight in his head by the time it’s over. But it doesn’t seem to be doing him any good. Every damn time he’s still trying to figure things out. And that makes us sad for both him and us.
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“Baby, teach me to behave/ Just tell me what I gotta do” (“Die In Your Arms”)
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Our Take: Yowza!  A kinky message masked by an otherwise-wholesome song. Biebs, you rascal!
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“Let’s just live in the moment/ Though it’s infatuation/ I’m good with that” (“Thought of You”)
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Our Take: You gotta appreciate the man’s honesty.
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“We gonna party like it’s 3012 tonight” (“Beauty and a Beat”)
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Our Take: Will Bieber still be “soooo adorable” when he’s 1018 years old? Yah, probably.
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“All you gotta do is read the signs/ The exit is to the right/ I don’t know your name” (“Out Of Town Girl”)
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Our Take: Is it just us or does this sound more like the commands from a GPS system than the lyrics to a love song? It looks like Biebs has been cheating on Siri, and he doesn’t even know his mistress’ name.
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“She don’t wanna live this life/ damn, it’s my life too” (“She Don’t Like The Lights”)
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Our Take: Don’t ever say that Bieber doesn’t have moments of self-reflection.
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“I’m talking to you, Maria/ Why you wanna do me like that? That ain’t my baby, that ain’t my girl” (“Maria”)
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Our Take: Wait, by “Maria” does he mean Mariah Yeater, the crazy girl who claimed the Biebs knocked her up? This all makes so much sense now! And we thought he just had some anger management issues. Wow, we just feel dumb.
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“Swag, swag, swag, on you/ Chillin’ by the fire while we eaten’ fondue” (“Boyfriend”)
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Our Take: C’mon, really, you didn’t think we’d sneak this one in here? You should really have known better than that.